? now I know..
Wednesday, June 25, 2008 8:31 PM
now I know..how bad SHE felt that time.....and I feel bad for making HER feel bad.....I dunno what to say.....I love people but these people all have their own group of friends.....wherever I go I'm alone..unless someone comes along.....who can understand?(within the class) I'm being sensitive to every reaction I get....and I just can't help but get angry and start worsening all my relationships like an idiot...the people I don't want to hang around me..hang around me...I just don't know anymore.....how can I STOP crying when YOU broke YOUR promise to me and I bet you can't even remember it now...
People say I have mood swings but I mean..WHO DOESN'T?? Who the hell won't feel like crying when things are like this? Even my apologies don't work...I initiate...but nothing comes back to me...
Labels: Loneliness is killing me
? what's wrong with me??
Tuesday, June 24, 2008 8:28 PM
gonna die gonna die......I seem to be turning into an introvert....Nobody cares anymore....No one understands and its driving me nuts...school has become such a chore, a bore....I've practically lost everything...and I'm sensitive to almost everything..ppl are starting to ignore me...even if they talk to me I don't feel happy anymore...I want to tell someone...but that SOMEONE I told..haiz..no point telling her cos' she doesn't understand...I'm already beating about the bush..Like hello? Its so WEIRD to say it in front her face okay..I mean ya lah we were talking through sms but STILL...haiz...and its not like anyone from class or something is going to read my blog....today sucked a lot..and I really really need help okay..will tell you first..
1. Alone for breakfast(I just rmbered I didn't have breakfast this morning but oh wellz I didn't really mind AT FIRST)
2. Alone for Recess(I didn't have the appetite to eat..and tats a bad thing *nvr happened in pri sch(the didn't eat thing)*)
3. The people whom I want to talk to are not talking to me or not there
4. I'm in a weird mood(in a dun feel like toking mood)
5. sth to do wid my seniors(better not to say)*happened at the end of the day*
6. PEOPLE keep ASSUMING(I don't like it..and seeing this word alone is so disgusting) I'm this and that and just don't understand..AND I JUST CAN'T SAY IT STRAIGHT!
7. I cried 3 times today
8. IF YOU STILL DON'T GET WHAT I'M FEELING..GOSH YOU ARE SLOW..BUT YOU CAN STILL ASK WHAT I'M FEELING...though I won't say it in this post..but seriously you are slow if u don't get it...
GOODNESS..no wonder I've taken a liking to blogging...I feel so much better now..even though I KNOW almost no one would actually read this(except you nikko) I went around looking at people's blogs..hahaz running out of shows to watch! >.< okies going now byeee
P.S The SOMEONE and HER are TWO different people so don't mix them up! :)
? first day of term 3
Monday, June 23, 2008 8:05 PM
felt so weird....felt like a loner but not when Muriel is there lah....but weird lah...dunno how to explain lah....I avoid her, she avoid me...I want to talk also dunno what to talk..Try and act like nothing happen..but you just can't you know?!?! I feel like I'm hanging! Its like I was erased or something..I don't know anymore haiz..I think the study group thing won't work out also since this term got the swimming thing and all...and SHE is going also..siannn...I wanna go too..so fun man..haha...Dying....today sucked a lot...except for the last period ;)
My new geog teacher was very very funny but strict though..but Safiah was like making jokes with her..then we all had to do self-introduction(it was actually english period but the teacher wasn't there..so we had one whole period) ya then we were supposed to say our name, cca and what you think of geography..then when it came to Beatrisa's turn she said geog was cruel, cos' have to memorise a lot of things..then after that was Safiah's turn and she said geog was frustrating..then because of their comments the teacher was like,"I will always remember the two of you, cruel and frustrating." HAHA then both of them got new nickname, cruel and frustrating..then after that she was talking something about her being strict and humourous then someone commented something umm good? then Safiah went,"Sarcasm"(joking lah) then the teacher was like,"Who said that? Ah! its you! frustrating!" LOL then after that they picked geog rep..damn funny (cos' normally no one volunteer mah) so she is like,"never mind you all don't want to choose, I will choose and I already got someone in mind.." Then everyone was like whispering,"safiah...safiah..." lol so end up she became geog rep together with beatrisa..haha yeah frustrating and cruel..haha...that period was fun..
right back to the gloomy mood...ahem..yeah we didn't even make eye contact or whatever lah...it was like there was like a 1-2 meter radius between me and her..and it was like,"don't come here , don't come here.." Haizz..that's how it felt like...hiya dunno lah..anywayz..finished most of my projects left literature editing...sick and tired of projects they suck a lot..haiz....anyways...recommended anime: Full Moon wo Sagashite
Really nice, its about this girl who is 12 yrs old and aspires to be a famous singer(she can sing vry well) but the thing is that she has throat cancer. Then one day, two spirit like ppl, neither angels nor demons(they are ppl who collect people's souls when it is time for them to die) yup and they are called Shinigami..by right the girl is not supposed to be able to see them but she could because of some reason(can't rmb wat) ya then one of the Shinigami(there is two of them one guy and one girl*already dead*) granted the girl's wish of becoming a singer by turning her into a healthy 16 yr old girl, so she was able to go for a singing audition..and then..etc etc hahaha go watch!!!yup dun worry its happy ending!! not a sob story definitely....
okies that is about it..see you guys!
? dooshhh...i'm so forgetful....
Monday, June 16, 2008 10:38 PM
YO! haha..yeah! I'm getting superbly forgetful...like an old grandma man...*sigh* I COMPLETELY forgot about today's piano..den my teacher smsed me at 4.30(my lesson was at 4.15) yeah..den she was like,"how come you never turn up today?" I was like halfway through my anime then I was like..crappp...ahhh....TOTALLY forgot man...haiz...went to Lianne's house this morning :) wanted to do editing..but Windows Movie Maker couldn't read the file(curses it) so lousy..haiz....and the atmosphere was damn awkward...
you guys should watch this really cute and funny anime,"Lovely Complex" haha very cute..its about this girl who is like 172cm and likes this guy who is 156cm..haha very funny should watch..den also watch this jap drama called,"Seito Shokun" very touching and sweet.... seito shokun is on www.crunchyroll.com and Lovely Complex is on Anime6.org....yup yup..though I don't think you guys are interested..hahazz!
Just printed out my next semester's timetable...:'( change of teachers mann...*sob* Ms Ang not teaching history...:'( science oso change liaoz..haiz........but LUCKY!! this semester got less history periods!! whoots!! GEOG ROCKS!!! hahaz....
Had my recital last Friday..really fun man! haha Pei Ru(someone from church) was so scared after she played(on e piano) that she cried after her performance den Bernard was freaking out during the interval cos' Pei Ru cried which made him nervous like hell...AHAHAHA very funny mann....both are first time performers..cool huh? hahaz...and I'm promoting concerts!! whoots! free admission ones too! please go if interested! Here they are:
UpBeat Acappella sings Jazz (RECOMMENDED!!)
-Dates and Time: 15, 16 July, 7.15
-Place: Esplanade Concourse
-Price: Free Admission
Vocal Recital by Jeong Ae Ree
-Date: 26 June (Thursday)
-Time: Evening(didn't state..)
-Place: School of The Arts (SOTA)
Beethoven Complete Piano Sonatas
-Dates:
=July=> 20 & 22
=August=> 5, 16, 17, 19, 30 & 31
=September=> 2 & 5
-Time: 8pm
Place: Lee Foundation Theatre, NAFA
yup these few are the nicer ones! gonna watch my last eppie of my anime liaox :D:D ja!
? i wanna cry mann....
Saturday, June 14, 2008 8:49 AM
goshhhh....had a very tiring day yesterday..feel like crying sia....stupid exam can....had yamaha exam yesterday and i think i can fail my practical already....can die...i sing everything out of tune and i couldn't get my rhythm right...I harmonise also harmonise wrong chords the only thing I managed was transposition....then after your exam the examiners actually make you sit there and they will tell you ALL your mistakes...then they keep saying until like I will confirm retake lah...damn scary and stressed inside sia...I almost wanted to cry when I came out lah.......freak the exam.... my fren told me one of the girls in my class cried when she came out, one boy he played the stuff again(they will minus marks?), the fren who told me all this probably did better..she was only rushing...but I'm like soooooo dead...my theory paper already got 4 notes wrong in counter-line section...GOSHHHH maybe theory won't fail but my PRACTICALLLLLLL :'(:'(:'(
Got recital today....in the end no one coming...haiz....and so stupid...yesterday just before practical I saw something I SO DID NOT want to see....haizzzz......I was reduced to TWO...ok you might not understand...heck anyway...I already got over it....oh wellzzz....I LOVE THE ANIME ETHEL RECOMMENDED!!! THANKS!! haha it's called, "Special A" but I doubt you guys will watch anywayz...hardly anyones comes or tags on my stupid blog...
? Yay!! lots of funnnn!!!!
Thursday, June 12, 2008 1:36 PM
okies...yup had lots of fun yesterday..lol watched 2 movies!! :D:D I went out with xin yi, zara, reena, sarah and hazel..hahax so fun sia..went ice-skating at kallang..u guys should go there! though its more expensive...the place is not bad...:D:D den after that we went to watch Maid of Honour haha very hilarious...lolzzz..then after maid of honour I had to rush all the way to Orchard and I watched Kungfu Panda...very funny oso hahaz if u are wondering why i had to go to Orchard its because my dad had two free tickets from his company den he kiasu go buy two more..in the end only me and my sis go..so I had two wasted tickets..haizzz...okie okie here comes the pics!! got a lot of pics of me and lianne..we were being vry zi lian yes i noe! haha
at KFC...project meeting lol!
Syawqina! she looks different right???
noodles oodles! (its not noodles its the rubber band sweet)
syawqina!!! caught on candid camera!! :D:D (i'm not deleting it syawqina!!!)
O.o black & white!!
ITS ICE!!! cool right?? this was at the chalet!
yesterday at the ice-skating rink!!! yeah!! :D
star!! i'm the only one wearing slippers!!!:(
The bridge at kallang stadium!!
Reena and Xin Yi!! hahaz!! being very random!
LIANNE HERE!!
IM GOING TO LOOK MAN! ;D MUAHAHAHAH. AHEM...ok yes that was Lianne...right... just finished filming for lit project.. I actually started blogging early in the morning till' ms lianne stopped me..yep..and now she is bugging me to go with her to cut her hair...but I REFUSEEE...hahaha and so qiao..she goes to the same church as my cousin!!! LOL okies..tats all for now..bb!
? hai hai!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 2:28 PM
Hai hai!! right answering to nikko's tag...haha must blog must blog....haha talking about homework...HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO THE DAMN HISTORY PROJECT?!?!?!?!?! apparently no one in my group got time to do the project..haiz...den i still got science haven't do...then the stupid maths quizzes on heymath.com....sian y can't the quizzes come out all at one go??? they must come out one by one week by week...siannnnnn.....I went for teen games today...did score keeping and time keeping..haha quite cool watching them play basketball...hahaz..i didn't blog cos' the last few days I had no mood to blog..cos' apparently sth happened AGAIN....ahem...yeah den mrs sin say we must do two concert reviews(everyone in string) :'( siannnn....so have to do one review on the band concert then my seniors already got ticket for another concert..YAY! den i no need to look for concert :D:D
to "HER": for your info, if you feel like you are gonna lose all your best friends...THINK abt it okay!? YOU ARE THE ONE PUSHING THEM AWAY! AND DON'T BOTHER GUESSING HOW I FEEL COS' I MYSELF DO NOT KNOW HOW I'M FEELING AND..... forget it..just read your blog...ha..face it huh? can't believe u were actually RUNNING in the first place...but forget it if I'm torturing (is it spelled like tat?) you, have it your way then...(that sounded crappy dunno wat the hell i'm talking abt)
Okay....I didn't blog for the past few days cos' I was contemplating to write THAT or not....I just decided to go with it...oh ya and nikko..aren't all shirts made of cotton?(besides dry fit) yeah..but my school blouse the material is a bit like the pinafore just that its slightly thinner...by sch uniform is like super big...as in the blouse..the pinafore is long but the waist is just nice..um its size 38? cos size 36 the length is just nice but waist too tight...yeah..so actually must alter but you know...my mum dun bother..she just say, "Hiya will grow taller one lah" yup den my blouse i bought too big..>.< (the kiasu-ness of singaporeans)
yupz...that's about it so see ya!
P.S I decided to add some colour to my words..HAHA..and I just realised the words on my blog is damn small....>.<
? all better?
Wednesday, June 04, 2008 10:08 PM
Elloz!! as you can see I got many pictures posted up ^^...hahaz they are pics from the start of the year until now hahazz...okies here it goes:
this was start of school me and adela(church friend) ^^
celebrated Xin Yi's b'day at school when we visited on Chinese New Year...we actually had no school but Xin Yi forced all of us to wear our sec sch uniform cos' she wanted to see LOL!
at my aunt's house, me and geraldine(my cousin)
MEP concert(we had to watch it) cos' we had to do concert review and this is me & Teocole^^
umm...kinda blur cos' we were rushing...I met sarah at the concert she also went for MEP
CHeese! Me and Amy ^_^
hehez... class banner..didn't turn out quite well :P
random pic..guess where is it??
sunset :) took it at RSYC(Republic of Singapore Yacht Club)
SYFC staff :D this is the weekly prayer meeting on tues
at burger king, also for the prayer meeting..(from left to right) Kelly, Dehui and ME :D
me and dehui I forgot whose finger was that...:S
This was quite recent, Kelly's belated b'day but apparently she didn't want to take any photos AND we bought ice-cream for her but it ended up melted cos' SHE didn't want to come to the canteen (TOOT!) haha and the ice-cream was too melted for the candles to stay so we ended up sticking them to the table HAHA!(left to right) Jessica, Amy, Muriel
see what I mean? the b'day girl is missing! anyway, this is me and safiah hehe
candlesss...was bored to death and see the melted wax?? haha
there kelly's in the pic now but its a horrible pic and safiah wanted to read her newspaper LOL...(left to right) Muriel(at the corner), Safiah and Kelly
Math extra lesson(first wk of june hols)... Shirlyn are you doing kungfu??(she didn't wanna take photo :P yup and that's shirlyn and safiah
me and Amy again! :D:D
uhh....kelly the 3rd party coming in??? haha! (i will be dead if the 3 ppl involved sees this! >.<)
go get a room??? JOKING! they were doing sth on the handphone(left to right) jessica and muriel
that stuff toy was Kelly's present from either jessica or muriel(forgot) Jessica was covering her face >.< onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrCoTjQnctRTwXzU3YAbagOFE7nMJiySk1wlZZ9BvJ-q_v_H-ilnbjaGBCN81AfagAZcba3f9iqlA5dvG8rhXoCrikJqF-8LkSYp-KxoMTDZlDlBocmgAVT7Z4k6-tEirnRhZk/s1600-h/DSC01281.JPG">
yeah! rainbow :D:D I took this today when I went to sch for string
quite long ago this guy had like 4/5 dogs with him(all the same) and he was riding a bike! good control don't you think?
extra math lesson again haha...safiah and amy(left to right)
okies the trio is here! (left to right) dehui, manda and shirlyn
safiah and her coloured papers(we were toking about a project hahaz)
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okies that's about it..hahaz very tired now..body ache all over..went ice-skating yesterday so my legs are hurting >.< then just now I just went swimming so my arms are aching they were aching a little this morning then I went for string. 3 hours of holding the violin made the ache(on my shoulder) worse den I went for swimming ..so now I'm suffering the after effects of all these :'( but its fun haha so it's worth it! I have this singing recital coming up want to go see? It's nxt saturday, 14th of June at 8pm, Waterloo Street, Young Musicians Society....and I have a sandcastle event this saturday, 7th June at 1.30pm, Meet at Tanah Merah MRT station the actual place is Ferry point Chalet 2...please come if you're interested! ^^ the sandcastle event more important hehe.. please tell me soon!
hehez okies that's all for today see ya!
? so ironic...
Sunday, June 01, 2008 3:48 PM
yo..heh...I just find it so ironic...someone wrote on "her" blog under "her" profile this, "It is easy for you to love someone but hard trying to get that someone to love you back." The person ("her") would obviously know I'm talking about her....and I myself am not sure whether she will read this post and get angry or something.....that quote on top is what she says but you know what? I think what I would say is, "It is easy to hate someone but hard to love that person." Sometimes you really find you are forcing yourself to love that person...but I feel if you just accept the person for who she is...I don't think its that hard..but well..its up to you to decide...yeah you could be struggling and all...but I mean..its life isn't it?
This is just something I feel and probably unable be able to say it out to "her" directly:
Force, I cannot do it for it might anger you more.
Talk to you directly, I cannot, for you might not want to talk to me.
Comfort, I cannot for I'm afraid it would hurt you more.
Helping you, I cannot for I do not know what you are feeling and I'm afraid I might confuse you more.
Waiting, I can for I will wait as long as you need me to wait and the time you need to calm.
Promises I keep, I will keep them forever till' you want me to break them.
Confusion, its what I'm feeling and unsure if that is what you are feeling.
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Some of you might think this is really mushy but I'm really serious about this...there was one of the days where I went out with my seniors to VJC to watch a concert then when we were walking about, they were making random talks and comments..then suddenly one of my senior said,"Best friends always seem to fight." then another said,"So shouldn't you just be normal friends like how we are like? Won't it be so much better?"....I really thought about it...some people say and what I feel too that friendship grows in these quarrels...but now I'm really thinking, if we have these quarrels but never make up again....I feel a loss..."she" may not feel it but I feel it...when "she" acts cold to me..I hate it..avoiding me like a plague...I hate it....Will I be able to solve this is what I'm thinking...my quarrels never got this far in any friendship and no matter what I will salvage it...maybe what I'm saying might anger "you" more or make "you" feel guilty...I don't know anymore...but I will still wait and I will not forget that promise....
